CHRONICLES OF D.I.L

Before those romantic souls start to swoon in the depth of this article, sorry to disappoint but here its 'not the HINDI dil', but D.I.L stands for daughter-in-law.

So this one is for all the D.I.Ls out there, sharing a little from the mutual relative feeling...'you go through it..I go through it too..!'

Marriage is a bond between two souls, who promise to stick by each other no matter what situation..errr..In India, traditionally, marriage is a bond between one and many other souls, where each is trying to get a piece of the other.

                                             

It's all cat's pajamas with dove love courtship, until you grab the dreaded title of daughter-in-law.

The hardest part is right after that kaleidoscopic wave of emotions of tying the knot and leaving behind your ménage when you enter your new home.  Oh girl! you should have known this. You not only married the boy of your dreams, but also a whole clan of 'bhajan loving-judgemental experts' who know just the paradisiacal art of framing your image of how you walk, your body language and which part of the leg do you touch (knees, shin or feet) obviously as a part of showing respect!

Trust me on this: your closer female in laws which includes MIL (i know it's tough...but please read MOTHER-in-law) and SIL's (sister-in-law) are easy to settle with, they will understand your position, help you through the situation and empathize with you. It's the others!

While you are trying to settle, there's simultaneous image contouring of you happening of how you could be a potential threat to their happy big 'sooraj-barjatya' family (is your question: sorry who barjatya...come on guys google..I am huge bolly buff), your baby-producing abilities, son-snatching motives and work-from home is so suitably good for your career.

Below are a few clues to help the to-be's or the being D.I.Ls you through this:

·         A little giving in goes a lofty way: Just like the whole family is new for you, you are new for them too! It is important to understand your new family AEAP (read: as early as possible) by either informal meetings or calls. Try and read between the lines, their expectations from you as their D.I.L., they are trying to do the same. My in-laws are more traditional loving, whereas I held a little more modernistic approach, but I tried to imbibe however much I could about the traditions from my mother and MIL. For instance, they might just want you to dress and jewel up in the first couple of months, to talk to strange looking females (your far-off relatives) , the intention is to present you as their new and loved family member. If you give in here, you sure settle in their hearts.

·         Be Sewed-up: A stitch in time saves hitch. Get to know the 'new family' traditions, 'after marriage rituals', take help from MIL, SIL's they will be pleased to know that you are taking initiatives. For instance, my family has a ritual that the new bride sings out a bhajan, for her first public appearance in front of relatives. A couple of days before the wedding I asked my mum for a second opinion on if I could sing the 'Bhatke Panchi' bhajan from a bollywood movie (told you I am a bolly buff), she laughed hysterically and asked me to learn another one. A second opinion always helps, she saved me from some humour situation that could have happened.

·         Clear Communication: The importance of communication should never be underestimated. Speak up in what you believe, but be sure to not hurt your family's emotions. In case you have separate views from that of your MIL or anyone else in the family, give your opinion, but don't force it, express how you want to do a particular task, but don't just implement right away. It is crucial to explain your ideology behind a thought and understand what your family members think . Being humble and genuine is the key behind getting away from something that is against your values or beliefs.

Composure and poise take you a long way of being a perfect DIL. You might just encounter variety of people, but keep calm and you will be crossing it with charm. I encountered a soup of aunties, some wanted to just stare till they could be hypnotized I guess. Others were more keen on my 'special first night' status..duh really! Rest wanted to literally dig their eyes on my jewellery and evaluate. It's not easy to bear with such zany, but patience and endurance is the secret sauce. It's just a matter of a couple of months, and you will get past through this in no time. So keep yourself engaged in the dove love apologue and settling in with the new family and the 'judge you-nudge you' phase will pass.